A Year in Review with the founder of In Fine Feather Yoga & Hamilton entrepreneur, Helena McKinney.

Every year around this time I share a personal and professional reflection of the year. I usually highlight the major accomplishments, milestone moments and successful events. (Check out the 2019 reflection). Well, as we all know this year has been extremely different and challenging in so many ways, so this year's reflection is going to have a different vibe as well. Rather than bringing to light the specific things that happened (or didn’t happen at all), I want to talk about the overall sensation of 2020, as well as my core values that have been strengthened and have supported me immensely throughout ALL the decisions and hardships that came with this year. These words have been my mantras, repeated daily to myself; they have been my constant reminders for how I want to feel, that it's ok to not be ok sometimes and they’ve picked me up when I needed a gentle hand.

Acceptance

It's felt like a rollercoaster for all of us but navigating the physical location of the studio was causing me so much additional stress and taking so much emotional energy from me. At some point I had to LET GO and find radical acceptance with all of the circumstances that were out of my control. Once I landed in this place, I was able to focus my attention, be clear with my intentions and explore my creativity again. Leaning into this time and trying to find peace with it has allowed me to cultivate new adventures for myself and ultimately offer new services for you. I have deepened my own daily mindfulness practice and I am beyond excited to share them with you in the 21 Day Meditation Challenge that is about to begin on January 4th. I have developed as an entrepreneur by learning new skill sets and been able to do more lifestyle and business mentoring with Emerge Mentoring, the other business I founded in 2019. Taking on new challenges has actually been refreshing and invigorating once I let go of the forces that are greater than me.

Consistency

Showing up for myself hasn’t always been easy over the last 10 months and I have sometimes felt the added weight of showing up for a community. BUT I do it and I LOVE it! I have often been asked how I show up to teach our LIVE classes every day with something insightful to say and how I don’t even skip a beat when it comes to being present. Here's how: I understand the importance of my role and the service I offer for people's mental health and wellbeing every day. I always feel better after I teach and move with our community. In Fine Feather Yoga is my life and you need to show up for life otherwise it keeps happening without you. Even when it is the hardest it has ever been, I want to move through it together, rather than feeling stuck and alone.

Self Care

Taking care of myself has become a top priority. I began to understand that my energy is different right now and I need to have a different level of expectation from myself. We are all trying to process so much every day and it's exhausting sometimes. Taking rest and time to slow down has been essential to making it through the weeks of isolation and now the current lockdown. Without the usual hustle of day to day life I have embraced new hobbies that feed my soul and aren’t so closely associated with working all the time the way I used to. My schedule is much more balanced and allows me to crochet, nap, cook meals in the evening, listen to an audible book, catch up with a friend on the phone, nourish my plants, do projects around the house and soak in the tub for an hour. Want to see a little more of my personal lifestyle and sillness? Check out my instagram account @helena_hamont; you’ll get daily doses of my cat Gus, witness my ridiculous solo dance parties and hear my random rants.

Finally, I move forward with HOPE

While this year has looked really different, I have learned so much about my personal drive and cultivated deeper connections with our community. I am HOPEFUL that we will emerge from this time stronger, more compassionate and more understanding humans. I think we will be more mindful to our work/life balance, respectful of each other's boundaries and appreciative of human connection. These are good things! I want you all to take 10 minutes of quiet space to yourself to explore what this slower, more introspective time has offered you. What have you learned about yourself through the challenges? What relationships have been strengthened? How have you grown as an individual? I would love for you to join me on New Year’s Day for our Intention Setting LIVE yoga class. I will guide you through an Intro to Flow class, (safe for students of all levels) followed by a journaling exercise that will deepen your awareness of the growth you have received this year. Please be sure to sign up online HERE to receive the live class link.

All we can do is our best. Keep showing up for yourself and support yourself in whatever ways possible. Keep connecting to your community and loved ones. We are in this together! Sending all my love and gratitude,

Happy New Year,
Helena xo

It is so very easy to focus on the dark right now. We have all experienced so much loss over the last few weeks, so having this intention to look for the light every day, has really help to turn my energy around.

My husband and I have been isolated at home since March 15, just like you. I am cycling through emotions of grief and hope. I have moments when I am okay and other moments when my body is in a low vibration. This pandemic is filled with many struggles and it is really f**king hard. But each day the sun rises and as the weather gets warmer, spring is here and I can feel how everyone has figured out a new normal.

I planted some seeds a few weeks ago, vegetables like broccoli, zucchini and corn. I start my day with a cup of coffee and a visit to the windowsill to mist and water my babies. Waiting and watching for new growth has been grounding, almost like a new form of meditation for me. Time seems to both expand and contract.

Sometimes when I am eating breakfast worries creep into my thoughts, I usually eat pretty late. I have really started to notice that for some reason, over these last few weeks: tension, anxiety, negative thoughts and my past struggles have made their way into my awareness. They come in waves, especially in those quiet moments like when I am eating a meal. I am talking about dark, nasty unwanted shit from my past and my childhood, crap that has been buried in my basement. I thought I had dealt with this stuff! I know it's coming to the surface because I haven't and I know it's showing up for a reason.

Everything is bubbling up at the same time; my consciousness floods with memories that I never really labeled as "trauma" until now. I turn to my mat and I take time for myself to breathe through this tension. I soften into each posture. The time that I have spent on my mat is a gift, it helps me to work through what is going on inside my body. Everything feels so heavy but my practice reminds me of the light.

Choosing how I should act when I encounter these unexplored feelings and emotions has been testing my very foundation. Yet behind all of the worry that is lingering is a profound truth and perhaps it starts with me surrendering to these forces that are outside my control. So sometimes I let the shit in the basement surface, I breathe into it and notice what happens.

My nervous system responds, the temperature in my body changes, and I can feel a pounding in my chest as my heart races uncontrollably. My breath shortens, a vibration fills me from head to toe. Sometimes it is sadness, other times it is grief and then there is shame. Geeze Louise it is awful.

But these feelings are real and present and so this practice of mindfulness is almost like a vaccination for these emotions that I am feeling. Often these emotions can show up as sensations in you before they show up as a conscious thought in your mind, like the way I am feeling tightness in the chest, increased heart rate, shallow breathing and I am even clenching my jaw.

The awareness-raising that yoga helps to cultivate in my life is probably the most impactful part of yoga for me, especially right now. Yoga is simply mindfulness in movement. It is the practice of being aware of the present moment without judgment. Yoga is my passion, therefore I know what I need to do to help work through those boxes that need unpacking in my basement.

In the meantime, the community is generous and bright: porch drop off surprises, that unexpected message with words of kindness, online monopoly matches, and the way students continue to show up for my classes brings me some respite.

For my eighteenth birthday, my mom gifted me a Kenmore sewing machine; as a teen I had big dreams of becoming a fashion designer. With lots of time and the materials that I had on hand, I decided that I would try to make my own face masks. This turned into a hilarious project. I sewed the back to the front, then my first mask was too small. The youtube video that I watched showed this lovely lady completing her face mask in just under 30 mins. It took me much longer, but after a few tries, I created a mask using an online pattern, scrap fabric, a pipe cleaner and a shoelace! Pretty creative I think. This project also kept my mind busy, perhaps as a way of healing or maybe it was a spiritual bypass, whatever the case it helped to pass the time.

This pandemic has helped me to lean into my resourcefulness, I am noticing we waste less food and life is a lot more simple. I am getting creative around the house looking for what I already have on hand before we seek buying something new. I even turned my master bedroom closet into a "recording studio" as I work at creating more online content for you. This allows me to step away from those feelings of worry and fear. I remember the light.

I miss going for coffee at my favourite local shops. I hate how I dodge away from people who are around me in the stores and how I feel obligated to wipe down every item that I bring home from the grocery store. Almost everyone and every endeavor and every service has been impacted by this situation which brings back that remembrance that we are all in this together. There is a silver lining that helps us to focus on the things that are already present in our lives - the things that are still beautiful.

We remember that there is so much good in this world, to take time to count our blessings and to look for the silver lining wherever we can find one, especially on those days when it is challenging, and on the days when the basement is really dark.

We have all experienced so much loss over the last few weeks, so having this intention to look for the light every day, can really help to turn your energy around. Without minimizing my pain or struggles, I start to look for the good, the gold, the light.

Wherever your intention goes, energy flows. So what about you, what can you do to help yourself seek out the light?

It is in this reflection that you will start to serve your highest good by reminding you that there is light present everywhere. We just need to get on our mats and get quiet enough to find it.

All my love,
Jackee

More About Jackee

Jackee started practicing yoga in 2012 seeking nothing more than a physical workout. As she started to build strength, flexibility and balance, she had no idea it would take her on a soul searching journey that would soon connect her with something so much deeper than just her physical body. Yoga opened up a world of stillness and softness. Jackee immediately signed up for her 200 hour teacher training at Inspire Yoga in Mississauga under Diana Lockett and Daniel Horgan. With an additional 20 hour certification in Yin/Yang with Erin Aquin and De La Sol in Hamilton. She follows all of the principals of the Anusara tradition. This traditional style of yoga focuses on connecting your postures with your breath, alignment and opening up your heart. Yoga has changed Jackees life and as a teacher her intention is to inspire her students to safely move with breath, combined with intention-setting, and a fun upbeat soundtrack, to ensure presence and joy in each moment on the mat.