Love Notes & Reflections from Helena McKinney

Moving Through Another Lockdown

It is now May 2021 and we’ve been living with restrictions and multiple lockdowns in Ontario for over a year. I have a feeling that many of us are struggling; our energy and tolerance is low. We are craving human interaction and a sense of freedom; we are social beings after all. Never in my life did I think giving someone a hug could be so compromising to their health. Never in my life did I have to think twice before deciding to leave my house. Never in my life would I consider an outing to the grocery store as potentially ‘dangerous’. This is EXHAUSTING to say the least; mentally and emotionally, and it drains us energetically. We are processing a huge global crisis and we can even witness how it has left some people very divided on what is happening in the world. 

I live alone and the solitude is not always peaceful or relaxing. I often get restless, sick of hearing my own voice, craving company and truly lonely. I don’t know what I would do without my cat Gus. Saying this, if you are living at home with a full house, kids and partners etc, maybe we can trade for a week, lol. I acknowledge how HARD this is on all of us but I want to share the things that have been getting me through yet another challenging time.

Thank you to the Staff at In Fine Feather Yoga

The amazing instructors at the studio have been an essential glue to keeping the In Fine Feather Yoga community thriving and vibrant. I could not possibly do this without them. Each of them showed up for me the second this crisis began, offering their support both professionally and personally, and I will never be able to thank them enough. Meagan Santa, Stephanie Weiler, Jackee Desimone and Michelle Smith - you are AMAZING humans. The other day a student complimented our teaching staff for how much they’ve shown up for the community through this. Even if they have had a hard day, they show up genuinely, authentically and with their own unique insight to teach their classes. I couldn’t agree with this student more! In addition to being solid instructors and really amazing people, I consider them my lifelong friends. We have shared a very intimate experience and one that we are all very passionate about; keeping In Fine Feather alive and vibrant! We regularly check in on each other to talk about life, headspace, heart space and I can’t wait for us to be all together. I owe you ladies a drink, especially WHEN patios open again. (Hand on forehead emoji).

My Online Course: NeuroScience of Mindfulness

I enrolled myself in a four week online course through the University of Toronto and I am grateful for every second of this program. I had been looking for a course like this for a while. I am fascinated by the anatomy of the body, the physiology of the body and the nervous system. Through some of my previous training, I became even more amazed with how beneficial a consistent yoga and mindfulness practice is for overall health. These practices reduce chronic stress, chronic health issues, mental health conditions, the aging process and so so much more, so when I found this course I knew it was for me. It also came at the perfect time - during another lockdown. It was a great opportunity for me to continue my studies and integrate it into my teaching. It also kept my mind active, interested and motivated. What interests you? What are you passionate about? What have you always wanted to learn more about? There are so many online courses, especially now. Find something that intrigues you.

I never thought I would like online learning but the instructor did an amazing job delivering the content and still making the live sessions social. This course was just another reminder of how innovative and creative we have become over the last year. Our ability to transition and make information accessible is a gift. This course gave me a lot to be grateful for. I recognize that personal growth and self realization are lifelong processes. We are on a path whether we like it or not. I want to continue on a path of mindfulness, self inquiry and constant learning. I’ve also started listening to the audible book, Wherever you Go, There you Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn, and I would highly recommend it as an introduction to mindfulness.

Finding Peace in Simplicity

This has been a great time for me to dive into and immerse myself in new hobbies. I have found fun little projects that help me stay busy, stimulated and active at home. I think many of us have picked up new skills and I am certain we will come out of this as master chefs and artisans, lol! I have become a botanist… in my own eyes, at least! My house plants and seedlings have taken over my entire house. This all started a few weeks ago (before lockdown) when my mom and I went to the Watering Can in Vineland, Ontario. I was so plant inspired when I got home that I immediately began researching plant health. My plants already got a lot of my attention but this is a whole new level; making homemade fertilizers, solutions to dust the leaves and propagating new plants. Half of my phone calls with my mom and best friend Danielle now involve plant talk. (Which is much better than covid talk I might add). 

Anyone else watch The Crown on Netflix? If you haven’t I highly recommend it. I’ve always enjoyed learning about history and the Royal Family. As a kid, I woke up with my mom to watch Princess Diana’s funeral, and I remember the day she died. My mom and I also woke up to watch the Royal Wedding of Prince William. Then, with the recent passing of Prince Phillip and the family drama with Prince Harry, this last month I have completely spiralled into watching documentaries on the history of the Royal family. My bestie, Meag and I have both been doing this and we laugh at ourselves because we’ve even started drinking tea. She and I agree, Princess Margaret reminds me of myself. I just can’t seem to figure out romance and have been known to enjoy a good party from time to time, lol. 

I am doing my best to seek joy in each day. I am finding it in the consistency of my routine: yoga, mindfulness, house hobbies, books and good films. I try to find other people who share these passions with me so we have something that connects us other than the obvious state of our world. It's not that I am ignoring what is happening, in fact, it's the opposite. I am very aware of how sad our condition is BUT if I did nothing about it, I would find it completely overwhelming and I would be suffering more than I already am. So, I see the negativity that surrounds us but I am doing my absolute best to better myself through it. This takes conscious effort but it is what's making me feel stronger and on the really hard days, it is what's making me feel at the bare minimum, ok. 

I hope you can find some lightness and positive connection throughout your day. When you notice yourself in that space, embrace it fully and acknowledge it as a BIG win. We need to take the wins, small or big, when they come our way right now. If you ever need me I am here. If you want to move your body more, I am here. We just released the Spring 30 Day Home Yoga Program. It is a great offering for becoming more consistent with movement. The In Fine Feather community is a solid group of humans lifting each other up daily. 

Even when I wrote this, I felt happy and excited to share it with you. WIN!
Thanks for being here, 

Xo
Helena

A Love Letter from Jackee Desimone

It is so very easy to focus on the dark right now. We have all experienced so much loss over the last few weeks, so having this intention to look for the light every day, has really help to turn my energy around.

My husband and I have been isolated at home since March 15, just like you.  I am cycling through emotions of grief and hope. I have moments when I am okay and other moments when my body is in a low vibration.  This pandemic is filled with many struggles and it is really f**king hard. But each day the sun rises and as the weather gets warmer, spring is here and I can feel how everyone has figured out a new normal.

I planted some seeds a few weeks ago, vegetables like broccoli, zucchini and corn.  I start my day with a cup of coffee and a visit to the windowsill to mist and water my babies.  Waiting and watching for new growth has been grounding, almost like a new form of meditation for me.  Time seems to both expand and contract. 

Sometimes when I am eating breakfast worries creep into my thoughts, I usually eat pretty late. I have really started to notice that for some reason, over these last few weeks: tension, anxiety, negative thoughts and my past struggles have made their way into my awareness. They come in waves, especially in those quiet moments like when I am eating a meal.  I am talking about dark, nasty unwanted shit from my past and my childhood, crap that has been buried in my basement. I thought I had dealt with this stuff! I know it's coming to the surface because I haven't and I know it's showing up for a reason. 

Everything is bubbling up at the same time; my consciousness floods with memories that I never really labeled as "trauma" until now. I turn to my mat and I take time for myself to breathe through this tension. I soften into each posture.  The time that I have spent on my mat is a gift, it helps me to work through what is going on inside my body. Everything feels so heavy but my practice reminds me of the light. 

Choosing how I should act when I encounter these unexplored feelings and emotions has been testing my very foundation. Yet behind all of the worry that is lingering is a profound truth and perhaps it starts with me surrendering to these forces that are outside my control. So sometimes I let the shit in the basement surface, I breathe into it and notice what happens.

My nervous system responds, the temperature in my body changes, and I can feel a pounding in my chest as my heart races uncontrollably. My breath shortens, a vibration fills me from head to toe. Sometimes it is sadness, other times it is grief and then there is shame. Geeze Louise it is awful. 

But these feelings are real and present and so this practice of mindfulness is almost like a vaccination for these emotions that I am feeling. Often these emotions can show up as sensations in you before they show up as a conscious thought in your mind, like the way I am feeling tightness in the chest, increased heart rate, shallow breathing and I am even clenching my jaw.

The awareness-raising that yoga helps to cultivate in my life is probably the most impactful part of yoga for me, especially right now. Yoga is simply mindfulness in movement. It is the practice of being aware of the present moment without judgment. Yoga is my passion, therefore I know what I need to do to help work through those boxes that need unpacking in my basement.

In the meantime, the community is generous and bright: porch drop off surprises, that unexpected message with words of kindness, online monopoly matches, and the way students continue to show up for my classes brings me some respite. 

For my eighteenth birthday, my mom gifted me a Kenmore sewing machine; as a teen I had big dreams of becoming a fashion designer.  With lots of time and the materials that I had on hand, I decided that I would try to make my own face masks. This turned into a hilarious project. I sewed the back to the front, then my first mask was too small.  The youtube video that I watched showed this lovely lady completing her face mask in just under 30 mins.  It took me much longer, but after a few tries, I created a mask using an online pattern, scrap fabric, a pipe cleaner and a shoelace!  Pretty creative I think.  This project also kept my mind busy, perhaps as a way of healing or maybe it was a spiritual bypass, whatever the case it helped to pass the time.

This pandemic has helped me to lean into my resourcefulness, I am noticing we waste less food and life is a lot more simple. I am getting creative around the house looking for what I already have on hand before we seek buying something new. I even turned my master bedroom closet into a "recording studio" as I work at creating more online content for you.  This allows me to step away from those feelings of worry and fear.  I remember the light.

I miss going for coffee at my favourite local shops.  I hate how I dodge away from people who are around me in the stores and how I feel obligated to wipe down every item that I bring home from the grocery store.  Almost everyone and every endeavor and every service has been impacted by this situation which brings back that remembrance that we are all in this together. There is a silver lining that helps us to focus on the things that are already present in our lives - the things that are still beautiful.

We remember that there is so much good in this world, to take time to count our blessings and to look for the silver lining wherever we can find one, especially on those days when it is challenging, and on the days when the basement is really dark.  

We have all experienced so much loss over the last few weeks, so having this intention to look for the light every day, can really help to turn your energy around. Without minimizing my pain or struggles, I start to look for the good, the gold, the light. 

Wherever your intention goes, energy flows. So what about you, what can you do to help yourself seek out the light?

It is in this reflection that you will start to serve your highest good by reminding you that there is light present everywhere.  We just need to get on our mats and get quiet enough to find it. 

All my love, 
Jackee 

More About Jackee

Jackee started practicing yoga in 2012 seeking nothing more than a physical workout. As she started to build strength, flexibility and balance, she had no idea it would take her on a soul searching journey that would soon connect her with something so much deeper than just her physical body. Yoga opened up a world of stillness and softness. Jackee immediately signed up for her 200 hour teacher training at Inspire Yoga in Mississauga under Diana Lockett and Daniel Horgan. With an additional 20 hour certification in Yin/Yang with Erin Aquin and De La Sol in Hamilton. She follows all of the principals of the Anusara tradition. This traditional style of yoga focuses on connecting your postures with your breath, alignment and opening up your heart. Yoga has changed Jackees life and as a teacher her intention is to inspire her students to safely move with breath, combined with intention-setting, and a fun upbeat soundtrack, to ensure presence and joy in each moment on the mat.

www.jackeedesimone.weebly.com/
@jackee_desimone